The Marvelous Crumb

Follow Joy. Find Belonging.

Month: September 2016

The one thing I’m wishing for this birthday

Birthday Ice Cream

Chicory Pecan and Rose Matcha Marshmallow from my favorite ice cream shop in the world — so far.


I’m not one of those gals who keeps her birthday a secret for fear of disclosing her true age. I AM 35!!! And I worked for most of those years.

630 birthday cake candles blown
50ish trips to the dentist
4 cavities filled
29,260 hours dreamt
7 favorite books discovered
3 significant loves lost
4 grandparents passed
3 unforgettable meals
5 meditation retreats
4 out-of-country vacations
4 out-of-state moves
2 advanced degrees
Hundreds of articles written
1 career change
1 blog launch
Countless tears shed in joy and pain


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My Unconventional Wedding Toast

The Isuzu Sidekick got married last weekend. In true form her nuptials took place not in a chapel or backyard, but on a cliff overlooking a dizzying expanse of red rock cut by a winding Green River. Guests off-roaded it in their Sunday’s finest to sit on boulders and a few scattered lawn chairs under blue sky and an all-too-present sun and witness a commitment of love. It was perfect.

We then headed to the reception where I offered a toast. I’ve never given a wedding speech so I didn’t realize the key is to make them laugh, offer the groom some pointers and maybe celebrate the new couple. I probably should have Googled something before reading this:

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What I now know – for better or for worse

Sometimes when I write I cry.

Sometimes I cry when I write.

When the truth landed, it hit me with piercing agony like a dart in the spine. It said, “this relationship will end, that is all.”

The funny thing about truth is that it has a presence. It is a simple standing structure immovable and unapologetic. Once recognized it is the measure upon which all else can be weighed. I imagine it like a giant concrete wall dropping from the sky, –BOOM! – into a pristine lake. The size of the waves it creates and the quantity of the sludge stirred depends entirely on the fabrications your lake holds. When truth lands you have two options: A) What wall? Everything is fine here! Or, B) Oh, fuck!

I’ve decided to go with Option B – for better or for worse.

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And then, there was 1

One hand in a sunset sky

Open to anything, waiting for nothing.


Our relationship lasted the length of my underarm hair
Cultivated at your request
A jungle of tangled velvet
Arms dancing proud and shy – A mark of belonging to
It felt so good to shave it yesterday
Clean, smooth, done

We traveled to Yosemite over Labor Day Weekend.

I was sure this trip would bring us one step closer to our shared dream: a home, a baby, Chinese takeout and a good movie on a Friday night.

I believed that our two unique strands of humanness would easily and naturally tie into a beautiful bow. And this bow would dangle in the sky over the city where we would begin together. A place where the rent is cheaper, the neighborhoods are more diverse and you could keep your job. It all made sense. I’d teach and write, you’d develop a side hustle, on the weekends we’d venture to new neighborhoods, check out the local markets – hands clasped, hearts synced, we’d feed each other new and exotic things: Gooseberries, spiced jerky, elderberry flower tincture. How perfect it would be.

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