The Marvelous Crumb

Follow Joy. Find Belonging.

I’m 34 and single, have I missed the baby boat?

Oh, Baby!

Me and my niece Kalaya (left); FB babies (right)

Many of my friends now have children.

This realization hit me recently while scrolling through Facebook avoiding whatever was my present situation. Reality arrived anyway. There were too many cooing, crawling, picture-drawing, costume-wearing small people for this dateless, broke gal to comfortably appreciate.

What’s more, many of these posts appeared to be captured inside real-life houses. You know, with multiple floors, an eat-in kitchen and a garage.

Whoa?! When did everyone grow up? How did I not receive this memo to marry, make babies and move somewhere with good schools and a decent housing market? It all just happened so fast.

Honestly, I imagined my “grown up life” would come together without a concerted effort on my part. I’d meet my partner in the produce aisle. Sparks would fly as we hunted for the perfect avocado and forever onward that fruit would hold a special place in our hearts. The subsequent children, if we wanted them, would come easily years later – and that was a big IF.

I never was the gal to fantasize about my perfect wedding (well, maybe the cake) or the brood I would breed. My dreams were rooted in adventure, food and advancing my career.   And yet I feel my ovaries ache with each new Facebook post. I ask myself, “Did I miss the baby boat?” And if so, will this be devastating later in life? Say, when I’m 70 and there’s no one required to shelter me during the holidays?

It would be one thing to think there was still some possible chance for procreation, however I’m not sure this is my reality. I have no suitors, no money and no desire (well, maybe a little desire). I’m 34, and if this thing is going to happen, my life will need a significant overhaul in short order. And if it doesn’t, well, that will have to be o.k. I have to believe there’s some sort of divine order to such things.

And even if it doesn’t happen, the truth is, I’ve realized, that I AM having a baby, just not the crying, crawling kind. I’m pregnant with creative ideas about my path and life work. The gestation period has been lengthy and now the labor has begun. It’s quite painful and I’m most uncertain. “Can I really do this?” “Can I really lead a fulfilling, meaningful life that allows me to share all the things I love and be of service in the world? Maybe I should just go back to the corporate world? My friends aka lamaze coaches help me along. “Yes, you can do it,” they say. “Something beautiful is coming! We can almost see it.”

I think we’re in for the long haul.

Deep breath.

6 Comments

  1. Sneaking a peek, I see the spot of black curly hair! You have lot’s of loving friends supporting you with each breath……take one at a time, ride it like a wave, don’t need to judge it…. That’s what I remember from the hours of labor that yield a being I could have never imagined.

  2. Words are living things that dance and create and touch. Born! Your words can move and help us live

    • Kelsey

      March 14, 2016 at 2:44 pm

      Thank you for saying this Cynthia. This is the work I want to more of all the time. Love to you.

  3. I wasn’t going to leave a comment because who am I to say it’s ok if you don’t have a baby, a husband , a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood, a great job at 34… I mean I’m 36, divorced, chasing after my dream -which I’m generally too old for-heartbroken, unhappy with my job and have a teenage son…
    But I felt compelled to write and say that all the things we want and perhaps at one point had may not be what we really need in order to fulfill our duty in this universe, we are all gifted with this passion for something weather is arts, science, motherhood, you name it. And is what we gain through the journey, is who we grow to be that inspires others to do or be better humans, kind with oneself and like you said, that’s our baby, focus on that and things will start to flow, you will open the doors to the universe to allow you to have what you so desire. Who cares what society says that you must accomplish certain statuses by certain time in your life, when the universe is determined to give you what you want it will find a way to make it happen, till then , deep breaths and one day at a time . You are awesome, be kind witj yourself. Much love!

    • Kelsey

      March 15, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      Deborah, thank you for your bravery in sharing this. Hearing these words motivated me to keep plugging away on the blog today. Poco a poco, right? Who are we to say we’re too old for anything? I’d love to hear more about your dream. Maybe I can hold it for you and you can hold mine?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

© 2017 The Marvelous Crumb

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑