Many of my friends now have children.
This realization hit me recently while scrolling through Facebook avoiding whatever was my present situation. Reality arrived anyway. There were too many cooing, crawling, picture-drawing, costume-wearing small people for this dateless, broke gal to comfortably appreciate.
What’s more, many of these posts appeared to be captured inside real-life houses. You know, with multiple floors, an eat-in kitchen and a garage.
Whoa?! When did everyone grow up? How did I not receive this memo to marry, make babies and move somewhere with good schools and a decent housing market? It all just happened so fast.
Honestly, I imagined my “grown up life” would come together without a concerted effort on my part. I’d meet my partner in the produce aisle. Sparks would fly as we hunted for the perfect avocado and forever onward that fruit would hold a special place in our hearts. The subsequent children, if we wanted them, would come easily years later – and that was a big IF.
I never was the gal to fantasize about my perfect wedding (well, maybe the cake) or the brood I would breed. My dreams were rooted in adventure, food and advancing my career. And yet I feel my ovaries ache with each new Facebook post. I ask myself, “Did I miss the baby boat?” And if so, will this be devastating later in life? Say, when I’m 70 and there’s no one required to shelter me during the holidays?
It would be one thing to think there was still some possible chance for procreation, however I’m not sure this is my reality. I have no suitors, no money and no desire (well, maybe a little desire). I’m 34, and if this thing is going to happen, my life will need a significant overhaul in short order. And if it doesn’t, well, that will have to be o.k. I have to believe there’s some sort of divine order to such things.
And even if it doesn’t happen, the truth is, I’ve realized, that I AM having a baby, just not the crying, crawling kind. I’m pregnant with creative ideas about my path and life work. The gestation period has been lengthy and now the labor has begun. It’s quite painful and I’m most uncertain. “Can I really do this?” “Can I really lead a fulfilling, meaningful life that allows me to share all the things I love and be of service in the world? Maybe I should just go back to the corporate world? My friends aka lamaze coaches help me along. “Yes, you can do it,” they say. “Something beautiful is coming! We can almost see it.”
I think we’re in for the long haul.