My body tingles with possibility.
The divine or devastating feels at my fingertips.
Perched on the wing of a plane, pointed peaks below, I’m weighing my options. The wind, the sun, the loud whir of aliveness, it’s all so overwhelmingly fabulous. Perhaps it’s time to leap?
January was my self-given deadline to make a career choice. Left or Right? That is, a salary, benefits, M-F schedule, or freedom, choice, and the uncharted?
For most of 2015, the dreaded question consumed all thought. You know, the one we all toil with at some point during our existence: Why am I here? What is my life’s purpose?
Yeah, No fun.
The only way to discover what I’m called to do, I determined, was to not do for as long as financially possible. What might organically unfold from this space of openness, joy and freedom? One word: anxiety.
Yes, there were moments of tasting my unadulterated, not-responsible-for-anything bliss. But on many days, not having a regular 9-to-5 and waiting for inspiration on how to fill that time felt like prancing around a pool party in a prom dress. You’re ready for something, but it’s clearly not what’s happening. Did you miss it? Is it coming? Maybe you should just find a swimsuit? No! This party will happen dammit! Won’t it?
Many mornings I awoke panicked, my mind hunting for the things that day that would give me some kind of purpose. I took long walks, came to conclusions about next steps, only to have them dismantle by the end of the week, day or hour. It was exhausting, but alas, not all bad.
Asking myself day after day “what do I want” allowed me invitation to another kind of party—one where decorations, a planned menu, and RSVPd yeses are not needed. It’s the uncertainty party, and lemme tell ya, it doesn’t get more exciting.
In this place anything could happen. Anyone can show up. You may have your wishes, sometimes they come true; often they do not. Because you have no idea what’s going on, you’re attuned to EVERYTHING. That’s how you see the magic.
Serendipitous events, resources arriving, opportunities unexpectedly knocking—it happens ALL THE TIME! I’m not saying with the right perspective gold coins can fall from the sky, just that our lives often wind in unexpected and delightful ways. With a party invite (don’t worry, you’re on the VIP list), you stop and look. It’s all rather marvelous.
The freedom of not knowing has allowed me trust and to connect with that which is beyond me. So why not go big? Dream, dare and see what happens?
I will continue freelancing and make time to pursue my own projects – one of which is this blog, and it fills my soul completely.
Sure, I fantasize about life on the warm, stable earth but for now I’m on the wing one foot in the air. Will I regret if I’m still up here when I’m 65? Perhaps. But, on my deathbed, I can’t imagine ever saying, I wish I had played it safe.