This month I had an intuitive reading.
These happen with regularity in my world. I consider them like bumpers on a bowling lane warning of possible pitfalls along my path. Often after a reading I’m encouraged, inspired, and I feel more grounded. “Yes,” I believe “All of this is leading somewhere. I’m not spinning in vain.”
You see, on many days, because I’m outside the regularity of a 9-to5 gig, I feel like the bowling ball – rolling round and round seemingly going nowhere but sparkling all the way. These readings remind me there’s a much bigger lane beneath me and, low and behold, I’m hurdling down it. Whoa! Even better, the alley is full, and if I listen I can hear pins knocking and balls skidding all around. I’m truly not alone in this crazy game.
Among my friends our intuitives are referred to by first name. They come up frequently in conversation and we share audio files of our readings. “Remember what Carolyn said about this … “I still totally agree with Bobby … ”
I know this all may sound a little hokey, but having some confidence in the supernatural is the price of entry among my compadres. And isn’t a world of energetic connection so much more interesting than the alternative? If anyone is looking for a good reader WE KNOW MANY. Shoot me a comment and I’ll connect you.
Anyway, during my reading this month I received some rather disconcerting news:
“You are here to walk the road less traveled and inspire others to do the same.”
I still hear my inner cynic snickering at such a new agey suggestion. I mean, who’s here to walk the road well traveled? I want to be that person. It’s all just a little too convenient, right? Sign up for the life coaching class (received via affiliate link), put my faith in the law of attraction and believe I’m the only one holding myself back from abundance and success. Gag.
And yet, haven’t I always known this on some level? The tagline for this blog is after all: Following the Uncertain Path to a Passion Filled Life. I came up with that on my very own after some deep questioning of my own path.
Still for much of 2016, I’ve been trying to convince myself that traveling the more worn road really is a possibility. Yes, I want to write and dance and sprinkle myself with glitter, but can’t I do this AND have a regular 9 to 5 where I work diligently on projects assigned and receive a regular paycheck and health benefit that keep me from panicking at every possible ache and pain?
I’ve been trying to fit my sparkly bowling ball into that square peg for most of my life. I’ve marveled at all the others seemingly making it work in this world. Who appear successful, financially stable and happy! There must be something wrong with me. Maybe if I tried harder? Maybe if I had more discipline? I’ve even half-heartedly applied for jobs and convinced myself that this time I could be one of those happily employed people. But writing those cover letters wasn’t nearly as interesting as putting my thoughts on this blog every week.
I’ve doubted what on some level I’ve always known, and it was only with the prodding of someone who doesn’t know me at all that I’m finally (this week) accepting my unconventional nature.
Still, I’m finding it all hard to swallow. I wonder, will I regret not being part of the corporate machine when I’m 65 and still working for a living? Or, if I manage to shoehorn myself into a 9 to 5, when I’m 85 will I regret having not taken the leap in my youth. There appear to be gutters on either side. Yikes.
It seems to me the only option, if I’m going to be hurdling down this lane anyway, is to try and enjoy the ride. Right now that means eschewing convention to create work that I will want to do until my final days.
And, I don’t even like bowling.